an open letter to Kim Kardashian
Dear Kim,
I know it’s not your fault that your disgustingly wealthy family became the center of public attention when your father made the morally questionable choice of defending OJ Simpson, the murderer of your mother’s close friend. The masses love that sort of drama, plus the fact that your father died of throat cancer after OJ walked without charge does seem to me a bit karmic, no? Anyways, I realize this, along with a rather boring sex tape with the tiny Ray J, is the main reason for your ‘fame.’
What is your fault is what you have done with your public attention. I am sure you are an attractive girl under your face paint, but your costume is literally frightening. It’s like a avatar/sex doll/prostitute on Grand Theft Auto. There is no way a human’s eyelashes could or should be long enough to touch her bangs. You should donate those false lashes to Locks of Love. They could probably make at least two wigs out of all that.
Also, I know you can’t help that you have a huge ass, neither can J LO, but why shake it? Is there some sort of contract that says if you have a traffic stopping, super-sized rear you are obligated to shake it in front of large audiences? There is a huge difference between actually dancing and just shaking your goods in various directions. I have no idea what your ‘job’ is, but I know it’s not dancing so please leave it to the professionals and the strippers.
Lastly, what on God’s green earth is this:
http://music-mix.ew.com/2011/03/02/kim-kardashian-jam/
I’d rather listen to Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, and Hillary Duff until my head imploded than listen to another second of that mess people are referring to as a “single.” If Kanye West really had something to do with that track he will be receiving an open letter as well.
Kim, please just take every single thing you do and just…start doing the opposite. If not for yourself, for the kids.
Not that sincerely yours,
Kelly
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